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Are Emotions Ruling Your Marriage?

Some rules are meant to be broken, especially when it comes to marriage. Of course, there are rules that keep us on a straight and narrow path in our marriage. These are rules we should all follow for a prosperous and healthy marriage. However, it's possible to have "rules" in your marriage that you don't even realize exist. And they may be sabotaging your marriage.

Does Your Partner Know the "Rules" of Your Marriage?

According to a recent article in Psychology Today, our beliefs serve as rules that we follow when we interact with our partner. These beliefs affect all aspects of our relationship including our wants, needs and expectations. When these needs are met we feel good. And when they are not, we become upset, and ultimately unhappy in our marriage.

Are Your Rules Fair to Each Other?

Many of the rules that we set in our marriages are beneficial to both partners. You want to feel loved and respected and those are good rules to have in a marriage. However, some "rules" we place on each other can be irrational. For example, expecting your partner to love you unconditionally regardless of how you treat each other is an irrational rule. This type of thinking can lead to problems in a marriage. Expectations you or your partner place on the marriage that stem from irrational thoughts will lead to negative emotions such as anger and frustration.

Can the Rules Be Changed?

The key to changing our irrational thoughts is self-reflection and self-monitoring. According to Psychology Today, we should explore our thoughts and emotions when we find ourselves getting angry over a broken "rule". By doing so we can begin to examine our rule more deeply and realize it may actually be an irrational one. If we can then replace it with a more rational thought, our emotional reaction will be different.

Is This a Cure-All for Every Marital Issue?

While changing irrational thought patterns will help in many cases of marital conflict, unfortunately, there is no cure-all solution for every marriage. Some problems stem from much deeper issues than irrational thought patterns and sometimes the best solution may be divorce. If you are considering a divorce, it is best to talk with an experienced attorney. At the Law Office of Randy Michel, we are committed to guiding our clients through the process of divorce.

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